A Tongue in Cheek Medical Dictionary

Adiagnosia

A potentially fatal or benign condition depending on whether (a) the clinician does not have a clue as to what is going on or (b) the a case of patient without discernible pathology (see PWDP).

Code F

The desired but inappropriate verbal response to the unbelievable but undeniable reality before you, such as the admission 5 minutes prior to the end of your shift or the new ST-elevation MI in your patient who was being discharged.

Flatusalgia

A crippling pain syndrome due to unexpelled flatus without evidence of obstruction or ileus. More commonly referred to as "gas pain with poor coping skills".

Hypohydromorphonemia or hypodilaudism

(see NDD) A disease state characterized by a subtherapeutic hydromorphone level.

NDD or narcotic deficiency disorder

A disease characterized by a patient who uses fatal quantities of narcotics without reporting even momentary pain control despite a single digit Glasgow Coma Scale.

Panoctonemia

(also referred to as panheptanemia) A condition characterized by all lab values being 8, e.g. potassium 8, bicarb 8, Cr 8, lactic acid 8, hemoglobin 8, and troponin 8.

PWDP or patient without discernible pathology

Made famous by this case report.

Rice Crispy Treat

A rectangular prism composed of high glucose supplemented puffed rice grains promoted by mythological crepitant vertically challenged male specimens with angular shaped pinna.

Rositis

An acute inflammatory condition characterized by diffusely positive review of systems.

Seehacheffable

A spectrum of comorbidities that increase the pretest probability of fluid overload and subsequent acute decompensation of heart failure.

STAT or Slow To Average Time

In many health care institutions STAT means now, unfortunately this sense of urgency has been lost with time.

STDS or Spontaneous Tube Dislodgement Syndrome

Any drain or tube placed by interventional radiology is affected by forces unidentifiable by the patient that cause sudden and abrupt ejection of the inserted device.